Sunday, January 31, 2010
I Could Have Danced All Night!
This morning, I am enjoying, savoring, and learning from something I rarely have but highly prize: time alone.
As usual, I am not in the house alone (in fact, I am never in the house alone because my mother never leaves the house unless I take her somewhere). But after popping in and out of the living room/kitchen area about 5-6 times, she has finally settled down for a nap, and so has Chicago Man. So it is so quiet it's as good as it gets for me. Even the cat is napping and therefore not continually pestering me to scratch her chin.
Wow! I am delirious with happiness over this time to myself. I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards and also the laundry room, mopped the kitchen floor, gathered some things together to donate to Bethesda Ministry (old crockpot, rice cooker, candles, etc.), plowed through a big pile of junk mail, and even made some chili cheese dip in the crockpot.
After all that activity, I gained some clarity.
I was thinking about this weight loss journey I've been on for four and 1/2 months now, and all of a sudden...by George, I got it...just like Eliza Doolittle!
Because I am changing so much on the inside, I see how it really IS about the journey and not the destination of getting to 128 lbs and getting into a size 8 again.
God...who would have thought that cleaning out kitchen cupboards would be a self-esteem booster, but it is...because 35 lbs ago I could not bend down to clean out the lower cabinets, nor could I stand on the step-stool to reorganize the upper ones.
This is life changing, folks!!! I feel like I can do anything now! I really CAN dance all night if I want to, and all day and every moment because I am figuring out how to live joyfully!
I figured out why "diets don't work." Why they haven't worked for me in the past, and why they don't work for a lot of other people, either. It's because I and maybe you, are making it all about the destination and not about the journey.
It's not about the weight loss, although that is a byproduct. It's about being the person I previously was not letting myself be. The person I came her to be.
Is being 128 lbs again and a size 8 going to make me happy? No, not in and of itself. But it is going to provide me with more options and opportunities to become truly me.